You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
