We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
