I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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