So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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