You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
