I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Couch. On fire.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
