I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
