He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How naked do you want me to be?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
