dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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