the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
