but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
