I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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