The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did I show you my penis last night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
