apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
