so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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