the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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