I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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