She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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