Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
