I want to make a zoo with you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
