Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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