Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
