I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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