Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
