I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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