My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
