HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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