just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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