He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
