..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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