I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
