Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
