This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
