i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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