I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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