Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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