so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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