I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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