just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
