walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
