I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
