i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
