I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
