In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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