Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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