I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
