Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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