I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
