if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
