I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
